By Anubhav Srivastava ( Register for his Workshop – Build Super Confidence For Super Success!)
Looking for signs you are in the right relationship? You are the best person to realize what makes you happy and what feels right and that is true for your relationships as well. However, generally there have been many factors that have contributed to the longevity of a relationship. Are you wondering whether yours will last? Well that only time can tell but the fact is there are certain signs or predictors that the relationship you are in is the right one for you and should last for a long long time, unless something unpredictable happens.
A few days ago I published a post called, signs you are in the wrong relationship. So it makes sense that I should now write about “signs you are in the right relationship.” I did not title this post “Signs of being in a perfect relationship because no relationship is perfect. We have to find happiness in the imperfections. But generally if the two of you are compatible on most of the things, the signs are right. So let’s begin with tell tale signs of the right kind of relationship that ideally has a much greater chance of lasting in the long run.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 1) You don’t keep secrets from each other, at least not about things that matter.
There are some secrets we want to keep to ourselves and that is perfectly fine. You don’t have to share EVERYTHING about your life but and your partner should share things that matter directly to the relationship. Whether it is your past or details about your present, if you two are sharing it happily then building trust becomes that much more easier.
This is going to be controversial and some people may not agree with it but I think when you get to a stage that you two become extremely serious about a relationship and start planning a future, passwords should be shared.
A password is there to protect privacy and yes you have a right to your privacy but in a relationship you need to be as open about things that matter and the conversations you are having is one of them. People say trust is important, however trust needs to be built, it does not come on its own. If you trust someone without them proving time and again that they are trustworthy, you will be taken for a ride. The same is true for them.
If you are not comfortable sharing passwords or are scared about misuse then at least be willing to open your accounts in front of them when they ask you to. If you have nothing to hide then you and they can surely do that. Unless there is something to hide…
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 2) No one person tries to excessively control the other against their wishes.
Some people want control and some people want to be controlled. If you are in a relationship where one is excessively dominating but the other person is happy with that, no issues, but generally speaking a healthy happy relationship depends on both people’s desires and being met. Even the person who is generally submissive would surely want something their way and if that is not agreed to, resentment starts building in. Resentment is toxic.
No matter what your roles, if you two are generally respecting others wishes and don’t try to excessively control the other unless they are happy being controlled, you will be building a relationship based on mutual respect instead of resentment. And relationships based on mutual respect will always last longer.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 3) Even after Fights you respect each others wishes.
We all fight in a relationship. In fact if you don’t fight there is something wrong because it means you two are not being honest with each other about the problems that you are having or the space between you two is so much that you would rather do other things than be with each other.
But what is important is the kind of things you two do during the fight. If the first thing you two is hurt each other where it hurts the most then that’s not a good sign. Even in the worst of fights, you should not forget that you love the other person and hurting what is really close to them will make matters worse, not better. So you refrain from stuff they are sensitive about.
Secondly even during fights you should not forget that the other person has certain expectations from you. They may not want you to do certain things like talk to certain people or do things you previously mutually agreed not to do. If you can respect those wishes even during fights, that shows how strong you two really are.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 4) There is No Ego
No one is always right, not you not them. Those who always insist on being right will bring great trouble upon themselves and their relationship. Sometimes you are right and sometimes they maybe so. People in a truly loving relationship do not have an ego with each other, even if they otherwise have an ego with the rest of the world. They admit when they are wrong, they say sorry and they work to rectify their faults because their partner matters much more than their ego so with them the ego becomes non existent or at least shrinks tremendously. If you have such a person, don’t let them go.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 5) There is No Competition
This is an extension of having no ego within a relationship. You can and should compete with the world but you and your partner are a team, don’t have an attitude of competition towards them. It may seem like most couples are like that but they are really not. Many partners especially men get extremely jealous when they see their female partner outperform them in various areas of life. There is nothing wrong with trying to make more money than your partner, but do it to make your life together better not to prove yourself better.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 6) You don’t try to impress each other with money.
A lot of people somehow think that love can be bought. It cannot. You can get someone to have a physical relationship by impressing them with money but you cannot get them to have an emotional relationship with you. If you are in a relationship where you need to keep buying expensive gifts for the other person in order for them to keep loving you, then it is not going to last, unless you are a millionaire and even then you will never have true love from them.
There is nothing wrong with gifting each other things, but don’t do it to impress them. When you really find the right partner, these things will not matter much for them. Your companionship will be more important to them.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 7) You support each other’s passions and life goals. It does not matter whether or not you too are passionate about your significant other’s dreams and ambitions, what matters is whether or not you care about them enough to support them in their goals and see them truly happy and succeed. If you two are constantly each others pillar of support and constantly motivating each other to achieve your dreams, no matter how painful or difficult the process is, then you really are in a relationship that is worth it.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 8) You both continue putting effort in, long after the wooing days other. In the initial days we put in a lot of effort to impress our prospective partners but over a period of time we let ourselves go and start taking them for granted, thinking that now they belong to us completely. A real relationship is where you can start being the real you as quickly as possible and your partner still loves but that doesn’t mean you take everything for granted or stop showing them you love them or stop taking care of them or stop taking care of your body to keep yourself attractive to them. It takes two to make a great relationship and when one or both the partners stop trying to focus on things that make the other person happy and are only focused on selfish pursuits, it is no longer a relationship. If you are still sensitive enough to care about most of the things that your partner desires and the same is true for them, things are going to be great for you.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 9) You have common Life Goals This is incredibly important. It is possible for two good people to be wrong together. If you two have diverging paths and have completely different dreams and aspirations in life you will have to either split up or be in a relationship of resentment. But if you two have a common vision of the future, where you are both happy with each other and can make minor compromises for each other and still have no resentment, then the chances of that kind of relationship working out are much greater. A lot of young people think this does not matter, in the initial days they think somehow everything will miraculously work out and love will solve all their problems. The problem is that as you get older and face the realities of life, if you two are living the life that you never wanted, you will secretly hate each other even if the relationship keeps on going. So if you have a common vision of the future and want the same things, you are lucky.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 10) You two are Genuinely Happy. Happiness is the indirect objective of almost everything want or desire in life and the same is true for relationships. The point of a relationship is to make you feel happy and complete. You should be with someone who makes you happy much more often than you feel they hurt you. The same is true for your partner, if you are not making them happy then it is simply pointless being together. Now it’s not like we will always be happy in a relationship, there will be great times and there will be horrible times but in a relationship that is worth it, most of the times you will be in joy much much more than you will ever be in pain. If your relationship used to make you happy but does not any more, it is best to talk to your partner and help them understand your concerns, If they really love you things will be smooth again.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 11) You two REALLY love each other. The word love gets thrown around a lot. But the truth there is not much love in a lot of relationships. It begins with lust and then slowly when that plateaus and the real version of their partner comes out then they often start getting sick of each other. I am not going to sit here and define love because love means different things to different people and everyone’s interpretation of love is subjective, but unless you genuinely really really care about the other person, irrespective of how they look or how much money they make or maybe even the actions they do, and they feel the same for you, then you probably don’t love each other that much. If you two are in a relationship where you genuinely care for each other and will do everything in your capacity to make it work even if it means compromising on things extremely important to you, only then that relationship has a chance of working out in the long run.
Signs You Are In The Right Relationship: Sign 12) You two are extremely loyal to each other Here is the deal, you two can be a YES on everything on the list above and still screw it up if you don’t follow this last point. Infidelity breaks up weak relationships but it has also broken up the amazing ones where it seemed that couple were a match made in heaven. Infidelity is a huge betrayal that can shatter every thing that your partner thought about you or vice versa. If you are in a relationship, where you two are extremely compatible, the signs of a future are certain, you two have common goals and are generally extremely happy together, the worst thing you or your partner can do is cheat. It is going to destroy everything that you two built together and was almost certain to work. If you have found your match made in heaven, at least do your part and always stay fiercely loyal. The worst thing that could happen would be to lose your soul mate because of one tiny error that costed you the one person that meant everything to you in life.
The author of this article, Anubhav Srivastava is an author, motivational speaker and the director of Carve Your Destiny, a first of its kind inspirational documentary featuring some of the most famous personalities from diverse fields, who teach the viewers how they too can make all of their dreams come true. The movie itself has been seen on Youtube by close to 600,000 people. Anubhav has also been featured in numerous International and India Media outlets such as BBC , The Times of India, Hindustan Times, Rediff.com, Leicester Mercury and many others. Email Anubhav Srivastava for coaching, consulting or motivational speaking queries at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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