This article is about that one thing that slowly eats away peace in any relationship and is a breeding ground for resentment even if the partner does not immediately show it. That thing is a double standard.
What exactly is a double standard? It’s simply when you do the exact same things happily that you would never allow your partner to do even if they want to do it. Or if your partner does things happily that they would kill you over if you too decided to do them.
Here is a funny double standard that’s quite common. This examples illustrates a double standard shown by a woman, although men are EQUALLY CAPABLE of double standards.
Girl sees another girl on the guy’s friend list and just doesn’t like her.
Girl: Block this girl, I don’t like her!
Guy: But why
Girl: I have a bad feeling about this girl, just block her
Guy: Ah well, alright.
Guy blocks girl.
Meanwhile the guy sees another guy he doesn’t like on the girls list
Guy: Block this guy!
Girl: But why? He is my neighbor/ my class mate/ my best friend/ such a nice guy and blah blah.
Guy: What the heck, you just made me block girls you don’t like.
Girl: You will cheat, I know myself, I won’t. Stop being so damn controlling and insecure!
End of Story
This right there is what a double standard is and it’s not too hard to see how this kind of behavior from one partner can lead to the buildup of tremendous anger and resentment in the mind of the other partner, even if they don’t stand up for themselves immediately!
Ever felt like that in your relationship? Ever get this sort of behavior from your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife? I am sure this is far too common. But let me ask you, did you ever do this to your partner as well? Then you are equally at fault.
I have said in the past that you should lessen interaction with close friends of the opposite sex when in a marriage/serious relationship, because if it done out of free will and done mutually, it can make a relationship stronger because you don’t give someone else the emotional space that you should ideally be sharing with your partner.
However, there are times when you may not want to do it. Fine, so you want to keep talking to friends just like old times or you want to make new friends of the opposite sex – Go ahead. That’s your choice and no one can force you not to do it. But then is it really fair if you try to limit or control your partner’s interactions with his/her old friends of the opposite sex?
Heck if your friends are that important than your marriage then go ahead and give them importance but then don’t whine or complain when your partner does the same because if you have a right to “your choice”, they have a right to their choice too. If they are being controlling and insecure when they have issues with your choices, then you are also controlling and insecure when you interfere with their choices. Oh, by the way, you are a hypocrite as well.
Obviously when I say you, I don’t literally mean you. The “you” could be your partner, the one who wants to have their cake and eat it too. The one who calls your apprehensions as an interference with their dream life, while they trample all over yours.
Whether you want to have a tight knit bond with your partner with no space, physical or emotional for others or you want to be close friends with every guy/girl you meet, it’s your choice, just don’t let things become unequal. If there are double standards are in your relationship, it’s better you get them out as quickly as possible before the cracks that develop slowly become so huge over time that your previously amazing relationship is damaged beyond repair.
If you are the one practicing the double standard: STOP and have respect for your partner and the relationship. Control your own behavior or you lose the right to crib when they change theirs.
If you are the one being treated unfairly, have some self respect and call the other person out on their unequal standards. If they change, it’s all well and good. If not then, do exactly what they are doing and give them a taste of their own medicine. Sometimes people needs to experience pain themselves in order to know how it feels when they hurt you!
About the Author
Anubhav Srivastava is an author, speaker and the director of Carve Your Destiny, a first of its kind inspirational documentary featuring some of the most famous personalities from diverse fields. It has been seen by over 1 Million People on Youtube. Anubhav has also been featured in numerous International and India Media outlets such as BBC , The Times of India, Hindustan Times, Rediff.com, Leicester Mercury and many others.
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