By Anubhav Srivastava ( Register for his Workshop – Build Super Confidence For Super Success!)
I am going to tell you a secret way to get what you want out of life. It may not work always but sometimes it works surprisingly better than the traditional way of going after things.
One thing about this method is that it will force you to against what you have been taught, you will have to go against what your instincts tell you. If you follow your instincts, this method will be hard to implement and results will be limited. This method is no guarantee to always get what you want, but surprisingly it improves your success rate much more and gets you to a state where you are not shattered even if you don’t get it.
You might be wondering what this method is, and the method is this: Stop Caring Too Much. Be Relatively Indifferent Towards the Outcome
At face value, this goes against what we have been taught. After all if you want something in life, you must have a strong burning desire to acquire it. You have got to want it so badly that you are willing to sacrifice anything to achieve it. That approach is very effective WHEN you are pursuing goals that do not require you to persuade another person in order to achieve them.
For example when it comes to passing exams, trying to get fit, get better at arts or a skill, completing a project, that approach is very effective and fuels drive and discipline.
However when it comes to Job Interviews, Business Meetings or Dating (persuading another person) showing that you want something extremely badly may not always lead to a positive outcome. Your passion maybe perceived as neediness. Your serious intent maybe perceived as desperation.
It may lead to the other person to think, why is this person trying so hard? Does it mean they have no one else to go to? Does it mean everyone else turned them down? Does it mean they have no other choice?
The truth is that everyone wants to work with or be around people who are in demand and can easily line up other options. Single minded dedication are not immediately appreciated in the real world. They are misinterpreted as you having no other choice. In this scenario, while many may turn you down, other malicious people quickly perceive you to be in a perfect situation to be exploited and taken advantage of. Either way, more often than not, it leads to a negative outcome.
I read somewhere that one doesn’t get what they deserve in life, they usually get what they are able to negotiate. Ironically though the strongest negotiators, the ones who usually get what they want are the ones who are willing to give that very thing up and walk away if they terms do not suit them. The best negotiators are the ones who care about getting something, but not too much!
So why is it that most people do not have the courage to walk away even if they have to compromise on everything to get that thing. The reason that most people believe that they don’t have any other choices. They have the mindset of scarcity instead of abundance. They act as if their world will end if they don’t get the business deal or get the job or get the person they want to date/marry.
The truth is the world will not end for you. Even if you don’t get the deal, another deal will come along if you work hard. If you don’t get the job, another interview will come along as long as you keep applying for jobs. If you don’t date the one you wanted, another one will come along as long as you don’t become shut off to any new social interaction
In order to effectively utilize this strategy, one has to shift their attitude from “I have to get it!!” to “I care about getting it, but not too much and even if I don’t get it, it’s okay because something else will come along!” If you get it, all well and good, and if you don’t you are still ok! Ironically though, you will find, that often times you get the very thing you wanted just because you did not run hard after it.
The reason why this works so well is because when you change your mindset from one of scarcity (Only have one choice) to one of abundance (having multiple choices) you automatically come off as reassured, confident and non needy. This makes people wonder why you are not running after them desperately like everyone else. It gives them the impression that you are someone in great demand, even if that is not really the case. They become more drawn towards you, become more likely to do deals with you, hire you or become your friend/partner in personal relationships.
Try this strategy next time in various spheres of your life, especially when you can afford to take the risk and you will find that more often than not, people will come back to you, because you did not run desperately after them. Even if they don’t, you will still have a positive, happy and relaxed life because you know it is only a matter of time before something better comes along!
About the Author
The author of this article, Anubhav Srivastava is an author, motivational speaker and the director of Carve Your Destiny, a first of its kind inspirational documentary featuring some of the most famous personalities from diverse fields, who teach the viewers how they too can make all of their dreams come true. The movie itself has been seen on Youtube by close to 700,000 people. Anubhav has also been featured in numerous International and India Media outlets such as BBC , The Times of India, Hindustan Times, Rediff.com, Leicester Mercury and many others.
Email Anubhav Srivastava for coaching, consulting or motivational speaking queries at firstname.lastname@example.org. Facebook Profile: http://facebook.com/anubhav981
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