By Anubhav Srivastava (Register For His Workshop Super Confidence For Super Success Here)
Let me ask you a question?
How many times has it happened that you wanted to approach someone you really liked but thought they would reject you or humiliate you straight away and you will fail ?
Happened quite often hasn’t it?
What do you think goes into your mind before you come to such a conclusion?
Chances are you tell yourself they are out of your league
Chances are you tell yourself, “Why would someone like that ever be interested in talking to someone like me?”
Chances are you think of every negative thing you can about yourself and believe the other person will spot that almost immediately and be avoid talking to you and you will ruin your first impression
And the sad part is when you carry an attitude like that, it extends into your professional life and general social settings as well.
You become afraid of approaching people who could help you professionally. You may become afraid of talking to your superiors in your workplace. If you are into business you maybe afraid of approaching prospects who could become customers. If you need the help of influencers or famous people for any of your initiatives, you become afraid of that.
Fundamentally, a lack of courage to approach people from a professional perspective is not too different from a lack of it when you want to approach people you are romantically interested in. In both cases you often tend to put the other person on a pedestal and sell yourself horribly short. They both come from a lack of self esteem.
So in both the cases you end up either not talking or appearing horribly nervous, not knowing what to say and thus do not get your desired result.
Now it’s not always lack of confidence that leads to a poor (or non existent) first impression.
Sometimes the problem is the other end of the spectrum.
There are people waaay too confident, pushy and clingy from the very beginning and absolutely turn off the other person. They make themselves look like arrogant loudmouths and that leads to a horrible first impression
Believe me, for every non confident person who doesn’t talk, there are probably as many of those fools.
Now, what is the solution to this? There are 4 key things that you should work on to ensure you make a good first impression. Now don’t expect it to work on everyone, it won’t. It may not even work at all, but it will make sure you make a decent enough first impression on the other individual even if they are not attracted to you/interested in doing business with you.. At the very least they will find you a likeable person and not a complete jerk.
1) Work on your looks
No two ways around it. The first thing that any one notices about you is how you look. This is particularly true if you want to attract members of the opposite sex.
More materialistic people might notice what car you step out of, what kind of watch you wear etc that show how wealthy you are. But looks are the first thing that they notice.
Everyone is not blessed with the looks of Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie, but there are a few things you can do to improve them.
If you are overweight, lose weight. If you are underweight, gain weight. A fit body is the first thing you should strive to achieve to improve your looks.
I know losing weight made a huge difference in my life. Despite all the people who say personality matters more than looks, I had my first relationship after I had lost weight.
I noticed a drastic change in women’s interest in me after I had lost weight so I would suggest doing your best to ensure you are at an ideal weight. Fitter people look more attractive and are perceived favorably even in a professional environment.
The second way to improve your looks is through grooming
Different people like different looks and frankly fashion trends do change with time so just experiment and find what works best for you. Once you do, stick to it, until you can find something better.
The third way is through proper dressing.
Again this changes depending on the occasion and fashion trends regarding dressing change with time as well. Always make sure you are dressed for the occasion and wear clothes that fit you well.
You can be a millionaire or a potential Greek God in terms of looks, and yet people will judge you harshly if you look unkempt and are dressed like a bum.
2) Don’t try too hard to be a charmer, try to be a decent human being.
We hear so many things about the importance of charm, about how you can have a magnetic personality that can attract people. There are only problems with this is that some people are naturally more magnetic than others and aping them doesn’t always work. If you are trying to act like someone you are not you may fool temporarily but in a while they will get to know. Others might spot the fake straight away.
Furthermore, even if your act appeals to some people, others maybe turned off by it. So my suggestion is, unless you are a natural charmer, don’t try too hard to be one. Instead try to be a decent human being. Just try to be polite and well mannered. Maintain a slight smile but don’t have such a wide smile on your face that it looks fake like the way many attendants greet you on an airplane! Be genuine!
If the conversation is going really well you can pay a compliment, although you should ideally avoid a compliment on something if that thing is way too obvious.
In other words don’t compliment a Rich person on their Lamborghini or their Rolex watch. Don’t compliment a physically attractive person on how beautiful or handsome they are These people get compliments on these things all the time anyway. It makes you look superficial like everyone else.
If you want to stand apart, compliment them on something else you may have gotten to know about them during the conversation and always make sure it is genuine.
3 ) Always talk about things that interest them.
Here is the deal, no one cares about you, they only care about what you can do for them. This is the sad truth about our society and it is ESPECIALLY true when it comes to people rich, famous and busy people or members of the opposite sex who see themselves as very special/attractive.
If you want them to even engage in conversation, you cannot do it the way everyone else would. If you want a celebrity to take you seriously, you don’t approach them as a fan, you approach them with something they might be interested in, it doesn’t always have to be money related, there are a tons of issues and causes celebrities care about for which they will happily agree to be a part of if you can convince them of its importance.
With members of the opposite sex, especially the ones that are really attractive, you again have to realize that they are being approached quite often and if you approach them nervously in awe of their looks, you are not going to create a good impression. Always approach them with something they might be interested in.
If possible learn a few things about them so that you know what they might be interested in but make sure you don’t come across as a creep or a stalker. Nothing turns off people more quickly. Just mention topics you know will interest them casually.
If the other person is indeed interested in talking and wants to know about you, you can talk about yourself, but even when you do, make sure whatever you say is something that will be of interest to them or at least say it in a way that maybe of interest to them. Keep your introduction and talks about yourself relatively short and crisp unless the other person finds them intriguing and wants you to keep talking about yourself.
4) Learn to respect boundaries
But what if the other person isn’t interested in talking? In that case, back off, do not be desperate. If you don’t back off then you come across as annoying and it might even lead to a scene where the other person publicly tells you to back off. Why risk such a humiliation?
If the other person keeps avoiding talking to you, the best thing to do is to respect their boundaries and accept their avoidance as a no. Have some self respect, why do you even want to keep talking to someone who doesn’t want to talk to you? If you think their avoidance is situational, you can try talking to them at another time and place but if they never want to talk then you should just back off.
The world is a huge place. Whether it is a romantic partner you are looking for or a business partner or a customer, remember it is better to spend your energy trying to woo someone who is already interested than annoying the hell out of someone who has already said no. Not only will they not respect you, you will also get a bad name if you continue to pester people who have already said no. Devote your energy to someone who already sees your worth, not those who are blind to it!
If you respect someone’s boundaries after they so no, at the very least you are still going to leave a good first impression and they are going to think of you as a good decent human being. They might say good things about you to their group of friends who then may genuinely become interested in you. Remember, there is plenty of fish in the sea!
I hope you have learned some useful tips from this article that will help you establish a good first impression on most people. I will go into this subject in much more detail in my upcoming Workshop Super Confidence For Super Success.
About the Author
Anubhav Srivastava is an author, speaker and the director of Carve Your Destiny, a first of its kind inspirational documentary featuring some of the most famous personalities from diverse fields. It has been seen by over 1 Million People on Youtube. Anubhav has also been featured in numerous International and India Media outlets such as BBC , The Times of India, Hindustan Times, Rediff.com, Leicester Mercury and many others.
For one on one consulting or a motivational workshop at your organization please email firstname.lastname@example.org . If you would like to write a guest blog post on Anubhavsrivastava.com you contact on the same email address.
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